I grew up my entire life dreaming of being one thing, Miss America. She is a person who really gets to be everything. A classic beauty, a talent, a heart, an advocate, intelligent, strong, and whatever else she wants to be! When I was twelve years old I told my mom for probably the thousandth time that I wanted to be Miss America. Her response, you’re not old enough to be Miss America but we can start with Miss America's Outstanding Teen.
I did my first prelim about two months later in a borrowed dress, an old recital costume, and an interview dress from the clearance rack at Ross. I had just turned twelve years old. I did not win that prelim. As a matter of fact, I probably placed last in that pageant, but that’s when I got hooked. That year I competed in 5 prelims before I won one and became part of the Miss Arkansas’ Outstanding Teen class of 2015. That year at the state pageant on awards night, I didn’t hear my name called once. I had turned thirteen about 15 days before the state pageant and I was still a complete hot mess.
I came into the next prelim season completely driven to go back to MAROTeen. I did three prelims and then I was back in. I won my second title and was ready to go into state pageant a year older and more experienced. That year I broke my collarbone. An injury that resulted in me having surgery two months before our state pageant arrival day. That injury was not only devastating for me in that I couldn’t practice my talent or workout, but it also was extremely hard to be motivated to prepare mentally. I did the best I could at that time, we worked through the injury, we made it to state pageant, and I was pumped. I went through every phase of competition as confidently as possible, and on finals night I was beyond hopeful that I made the top 15. Yet again, 2016 was not my year. I was very disappointed when I didn’t hear my name called for top 15, but later on I was announced as the non-finalist interview winner. An award that gave me some encouragement that this was a job I had potential to win.
I came into the next prelim season completely driven to go back to MAROTeen. I did three prelims and then I was back in. I won my second title and was ready to go into state pageant a year older and more experienced. That year I broke my collarbone. An injury that resulted in me having surgery two months before our state pageant arrival day. That injury was not only devisating for me in that I couldn’t practice my talent or workout, but it also was extremely hard to be motivated to prepare mentally. I did the best I could at that time, we worked through the injury, we made it to state pageant, and I was pumped. I went through every phase of competition as confidently as possible, and on finals night I was beyond hopeful that I made the top 15. Yet again, 2016 was not my year. I was very disappointed when I didn’t hear my name called for top 15, but later on I was announced as the non-finalist interview winner. An award that gave me some encouragement that this was a job I had potential to win.
Year three I waited a while before competing in a prelim. It took me a while to lick my wounds and be ready to be back on stage competing. There was a prelim in Clinton that year and I decided that it being in my hometown was God’s way of saying this is for you. I came in with a new talent. I had danced since age 3 and loved to perform, but in pageants dancing made me so anxious I was almost sick to my stomach before each talent competition. I always joked about singing but wasn’t confident enough in my voice alone, so I started practicing singing with my mouth closed, Ventriloquism… something unique… something entertaining… something FUN! I completely fell in love with my ability to perform with my sidekick Sydney and it’s something that’s only flourished since then. I had a new talent. I had two years of competing at the state level under my belt. I had just won an overall interview award in another pageant system, and the previous non-finalist interview award at MAROTeen. I was very confident. I really thought it could be my year. At age 15, I walked into that week with my eyes set on that crown. Yet…. that year I watched my best friend in the system walk away with the crown. Now don’t get me wrong… I was beyond proud of Aubrey and I knew she deserved it and would serve arkansas incredibly, and she did. But that night after they announced the top 15 and my name wasn’t called my eyes immediately filled with tears and everything around me became kind dark and fuzzy. After the top 15 ran off stage to prepare to compete, I heard the announcer start announcing an award and then I heard my name, Non- Finalist Talent Winner. Yay. With a broken heart and tears filling my eyes I walked to center stage and put on a smile. Then I was rushed backstage to change and perform. Not compete, but to perform, and I can tell you with 100% honestly that I’ve never not wanted to perform so much in my life. I remember stepping into the bathroom in our dressing room and a backstage mom made eye contact with me and she just hugged my shoulder and said you take a second. I know this is hard, and when you’re ready, let's go do this. So I got myself together, and went out and performed for the audience. I left that week not just disappointed, but devastated. After three years of dedicating myself to becoming Miss Arkansas’ Outstanding Teen I still wasn’t Top Fifteen material. After constantly putting myself out there, after so much self-critiquing, after a talent change, a platform change, and after pouring my heart into a dream, that still wasn’t it.
Again, it took sometime to lick my wounds and heel. But my thought was this, I had a decent interview and an entertaining talent, so maybe if I just try one more time, this could be my year. I did three prelims and didn’t win, when I finally got God’s message that this year wasn’t my year. I was accepted into the foreign exchange student program and I decided that maybe I needed a year to do some self discovery before I came back to compete for Miss Arkansas’ Outstanding Teen for the final time. So at age 16 I went and lived with strangers in France. I had one of the most emotionally challenging years of my life. I grew up a lot, and I had a lot of growing up to do. At the time, It was the best thing I could have ever done to prepare for MAROTeen and for life.
With one year left I came into year 5 of competing for this crown with a whole new perspective on what kind of title holder I wanted to be and honestly on what kind of legacy I wanted to leave. So in the fall of my Junior year I competed in Miss Spirit of Arkansas’ Outstanding Teen. I finally built a platform I was 1,000% in love with; my talent had become second hand to me; interviews felt like a natural everyday activity; my evening gown perfectly reflected my personal style; and I was ready. I changed my eating and increased my workout routine, which resulted in 20 pounds of weight loss. I raised thousands of dollars for Arkansas Children’s Hospital. My mom, my family, and myself completely bought in to this dream, so much so that we drove two cars to the pageant so I’d have a vehicle in Little Rock for the Media Tour after I won. I brought a handful of outfits for headshots and appearances as the new titleholder. Now honestly, that might sound overly confident especially after reading about the last four years of unsuccessful attempts at this crown. But I promise authenticity and honestly my heart was 100% in this dream and we were prepared for it to come true. I knew my interview went well. I felt beautiful in my gown even though my onstage question situation wasn’t ideal. I’d never been stronger in fitness in my life, and my talent went so well I cried as I walked off stage. I woke up Friday morning and I told my mom, they either love me and I could win this thing, or I won’t make the top 15 again. Well that Friday, after five years of work, five years of tears, five years of sweat, five years of love, I finally heard my name called into the top 15. I got to be one of those girls who did active wear on finals night. Then I heard my name called into the top 10 and my heart was exploding. Finally, I didn’t have to watch the finals from the dressing room TV. I was on that TV. As I finished evening gown that night I knew there was nothing I would change about my performance that week and I had complete faith in God’s plan for those next few announcements. I knew I couldn’t win talent, active wear, or evening gown, because I hadn’t won a prelim, but interview, that precious thing I love called interview, the place I really felt most at home, was a possibility. Of course as the Top 10 stands on stage it’s the last overall award to be named. To be real when they announced my title for overall interview you would’ve thought I won the whole pageant, and it’s because I thought I did. The very next award they called was fourth runner up… and when they called my name, my heart stopped. Not in a good way either. Now don’t misread this I am beyond grateful to have been apart of the top 5 and for the four previous years that would’ve meant the world to me. But standing on that stage knowing I could and would never be Miss Arkansas’ Outstanding Teen, well it was heartbreaking. Everyone around me was congratulating me and there were so many hugs and cheers and joy, all aspects I was humbly grateful for… but deep down I couldn’t ignore the aching in my heart.
I woke up on Saturday morning feeling well… empty. I woke up Sunday morning feeling lost. Monday morning I went to a FFA camp feeling confused. Now in the weeks since then I have been engulfed in leadership camps, random experience, friendships, and fun. I’ve been so busy that those feelings have become significantly less heart daggering. Yet, I’d be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, but that disappointment is tempered now. Even more than disappointment, I feel optimistic.
Optimistic that if I could go from not hearing my name called at all to standing in that top five photo, how much more will I grow? Optimistic that if this isn’t God’s plan, then whatever the greater things he has planned is, is gonna be epic. Optimistic that in the five years that I traveled around communities in Arkansas in a crown and sash I have made an impact on people. That in the next ten of just being me, what kind of impact can I keep making. Optimistic that this is just the beginning and that every connection, every exposure, every form of branding, I’ve made in the last five years were more than worth it. Whatever your journey is embrace it knowing this is just the beginning.
To anyone in any phase of life which has left them feeling a little empty, broken, or disappointed, I want to remind you that this is just one mile on your lifelong road trip. This doesn't define you. This will make you stronger. No one’s story will be just like yours so don’t look at others’ journeys and compare your progress to theirs. Run into whatever your next step is with optimism and enthusiasm, because in God’s perfect timing, in God’s perfect plan, you’ll discover every part of yourself as he has planned it, and it will be more perfect and more beautiful than any plan you could’ve ever dreamed up on your own.
I am certain that I am a better Brooke today because of all the things. Because of the love, the heartbreak, the joy, the friendships, the self discovery. Every peak, and every valley, is beyond worth it. For 4th runner up and overall interview I’m eternally grateful. For non-finalist interview and non-finalist talent I’m forever thankful. For Miss congeniality I’m always appreciative. For every sister queen, classmate, coach, supporter, and sponsor, thank you will never be enough.
I may not be Miss Arkansas’ Outstanding Teen or Miss America’s Outstanding Teen, but here you all have made me feel like Miss America with or without the crown. And I’ll forever be a Local Miss America in my heart because of you.
Miss Spirit of Arkansas' Outstanding Teen 2019,
Brooke Bradford <3
